Meg Van Deusen

Loneliness and Social Anxiety: Sister Conditions

Loneliness and social anxiety are two parts of a vicious cycle with each being a cause and result of the other. It's a complex system, but small steps can help release you from the merry-go-round.

Read article

What Have You Learned During the Pandemic?

Amid the losses of the pandemic, slowing down can reveal what matters most. I reflect on self-care, everyday moments of beauty, and the freedom that comes from wanting less and being more present.

Read article

How to Affect Change Through Agency

When life leaves you weary or discouraged, how do you find the energy to act? I share three steps for building agency: naming the problem, encouraging yourself, and taking one manageable action at a time.

Read article

Mental Health Facts

Feeling anxious, sad, or unmotivated during a crisis is not a personal failure. Drawing on the emotional toll of the pandemic, I explore how validation, self-compassion, and purposeful action can help us move through difficult times.

Read article

How to Decrease Stress When the World Seems to be Falling Apart

When the news feels relentless and the future uncertain, worry can crowd out everything else. Widening your perspective, adjusting your expectations, and offering yourself compassion can create room to breathe, even when circumstances remain difficult.

Read article

Is the World Making Us Weary or Wise?

How do we respond when injustice and uncertainty leave us overwhelmed? Reflecting on the protests and upheaval of 2020, I consider how listening to our hearts can help us meet exhaustion with compassion, purpose, and action.

Read article

How to reduce your stress

Three simple practices can offer a little breathing room during stressful times: self-compassion meditation, mindful time in nature, and a wider perspective on life. Each invites us to reconnect with ourselves, others, and what remains possible.

Read article

Coronavirus Takes A Toll on Mood—Here’s What to Do

The uncertainty and isolation of the pandemic can make the future feel painfully small. I explore how widening our perspective can help us acknowledge real losses while finding opportunities for connection, creativity, and hope.

Read article

Coronavirus Reminds Us What’s Important

The disruption of the early pandemic prompted a simple question: what really matters? I share seven ways to care for ourselves and one another, from taking breaks from the news to reaching out with kindness.

Read article

Coping with Loneliness on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day can sharpen loneliness, especially when we compare our lives with other people’s romances. A kinder relationship with ourselves and small acts of generosity can help us find connection beyond the idea of a perfect couple.

Read article

Finding Hope for the New Year

Hope grows through meaningful goals, practical pathways, and the belief that our efforts matter. In a conversation with hope researcher David Feldman, I explore how to build realistic hope without denying life’s difficulties.

Read article

How The Tao Helps Us Navigate Stress

What can Taoist wisdom teach us about facing change without becoming overwhelmed? Drawing on Diane Dreher’s The Tao of Inner Peace, I reflect on impermanence, interconnectedness, and responding to uncertainty with openness and compassion.

Read article

All writing

Loneliness and Social Anxiety: Sister Conditions

Loneliness and social anxiety are two parts of a vicious cycle with each being a cause and result of the other. It's a complex system, but small steps can help release you from the merry-go-round.

Social Anxiety can be a bear. It often convinces you that you’re not enough. You’re not smart enough, witty enough, interesting enough for other people. Loneliness can play the same trick on your mind, making you believe that the reason you’re lonely is because no one likes you? Why? Because you’re not smart enough, witty enough, interesting enough, cool enough…and so on. Social anxiety and loneliness are sister conditions, two parts of a feedback loop that can keep you socially stuck and feeling unwell.

Because loneliness makes you feel ill, literally—you become more lethargic, unmotivated, down, bodily inflammation increases, and your immune system weakens—it rarely encourages you to go to the party, the coffee shop, the friend’s house. It lures you to stay home and becomes increasingly responsible for your belief that people are more emotionally dangerous than they are safe. Both social anxiety and loneliness trick you into believing that social interaction will only make you feel worse so, why bother?

How do you get out of this vortex? One powerful tool is to engage in a kind, caring inner dialogue with yourself. I don’t mean that you should pity yourself. I mean take interest in your well-being. And if you address yourself by name, this inner dialogue can become even more effective: “Serena, you are feeling so tired and unmotivated. I know it feels scary to get outside and take a walk. You’re afraid you’ll run into someone you know and don’t want to talk to anyone right now. But a walk would be good for your physical and mental health which is much more important that what you think someone thinks of you. Let me help you get outside and take that walk.”

This kind of inner dialogue and the use of your name, in particular, is called “self-distancing”. It momentarily removes you from the swirl of your own negative thinking, takes an aerial view of your situation, and offers you a helping hand. Try it next time you’re feeling the pull of the loneliness-social anxiety eddy.