Meg Van Deusen

What Have You Learned During the Pandemic?

Amid the losses of the pandemic, slowing down can reveal what matters most. I reflect on self-care, everyday moments of beauty, and the freedom that comes from wanting less and being more present.

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How to Affect Change Through Agency

When life leaves you weary or discouraged, how do you find the energy to act? I share three steps for building agency: naming the problem, encouraging yourself, and taking one manageable action at a time.

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Mental Health Facts

Feeling anxious, sad, or unmotivated during a crisis is not a personal failure. Drawing on the emotional toll of the pandemic, I explore how validation, self-compassion, and purposeful action can help us move through difficult times.

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How to Decrease Stress When the World Seems to be Falling Apart

When the news feels relentless and the future uncertain, worry can crowd out everything else. Widening your perspective, adjusting your expectations, and offering yourself compassion can create room to breathe, even when circumstances remain difficult.

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Is the World Making Us Weary or Wise?

How do we respond when injustice and uncertainty leave us overwhelmed? Reflecting on the protests and upheaval of 2020, I consider how listening to our hearts can help us meet exhaustion with compassion, purpose, and action.

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How to reduce your stress

Three simple practices can offer a little breathing room during stressful times: self-compassion meditation, mindful time in nature, and a wider perspective on life. Each invites us to reconnect with ourselves, others, and what remains possible.

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Coronavirus Takes A Toll on Mood—Here’s What to Do

The uncertainty and isolation of the pandemic can make the future feel painfully small. I explore how widening our perspective can help us acknowledge real losses while finding opportunities for connection, creativity, and hope.

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Coronavirus Reminds Us What’s Important

The disruption of the early pandemic prompted a simple question: what really matters? I share seven ways to care for ourselves and one another, from taking breaks from the news to reaching out with kindness.

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Coping with Loneliness on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day can sharpen loneliness, especially when we compare our lives with other people’s romances. A kinder relationship with ourselves and small acts of generosity can help us find connection beyond the idea of a perfect couple.

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Finding Hope for the New Year

Hope grows through meaningful goals, practical pathways, and the belief that our efforts matter. In a conversation with hope researcher David Feldman, I explore how to build realistic hope without denying life’s difficulties.

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How The Tao Helps Us Navigate Stress

What can Taoist wisdom teach us about facing change without becoming overwhelmed? Drawing on Diane Dreher’s The Tao of Inner Peace, I reflect on impermanence, interconnectedness, and responding to uncertainty with openness and compassion.

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Existential Anxiety, Kids and 2019

When young people face frightening news about their future, reassurance alone may not be enough. I reflect on how honest conversation, compassionate boundaries, and our undivided attention can help them feel connected and hopeful.

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Coping with Loneliness on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day can sharpen loneliness, especially when we compare our lives with other people’s romances. A kinder relationship with ourselves and small acts of generosity can help us find connection beyond the idea of a perfect couple.

An opportunity for loneliness or connection

Valentine’s Day – Coping with loneliness or an opportunity for connection? As Valentine’s Day rolls around, reminders of this “lover’s holiday” are everywhere. Chocolate and flowers deck the entries to grocery stores. Spas and restaurants remind you to book a reservation for you and your lover. Radio and TV ads lure you to “buy that special ring for your special someone” and pink and red hearts seem to don the windows of retail stores or social media posts, making many single people feel left out, lonely and hurting.

If you’re single and wish you weren’t, or if you’re with a partner who doesn’t “do” Valentine’s Day, this holiday of love can feel like a wet towel slapping you in the face. The images of love and romance can feel intrusive, painful and downright jarring as you imagine all the happy couples enjoying their romantic outings while you sit home alone in your PJs with a bowl of ice cream.

The importance of the relationship with yourself

Everyone wants to feel special. Everyone wants to feel they matter. Here in the US, we have the bad habit of searching for meaning by comparing our lives with others, be they the thousands of people who may be tweeting at any given moment or the friends in our social circles. When we do this, we derail ourselves from the most important anchor we have—the relationship to ourselves.

The kind of relationship you have with yourself is what determines how you navigate life—it determines your wellbeing. Loneliness researchers Stephanie Cacioppo and the late John Cacioppo discovered that the most potent remedy for loneliness is not getting out and interacting with others, although this can be helpful, but is a kind, internal dialogue with yourself. If you tell yourself, “well, you’re still single—obviously no one is interested in you” you slap yourself in the face. If, however, you talk to yourself in a compassionate and encouraging way, such as, “It’s Valentine’s Day…let’s do something special for you” or you take the time to look yourself in the mirror and say, “I I like your work ethic,” or “I like your honesty”, or “I like your smile,” you may begin to feel less lonely. Let’s face it, if you sit home imagining all the wonderful things couples may (or may not, by the way) be doing on Valentine’s Day, you abandon yourself.

The importance of other relationships

And what about all the relationships you do have? The relationship with your co-worker, your doctor, your neighbor, or the person you see walking her dog every week, but never talk to? Try not to diminish these relationships as unmeaningful. Making eye contact and offering kindness to others provides opportunity for connection and can make you feel happier. You don’t need a partner to do this. Buy a latte for the person in line behind you, offer to help your friend with his resume, clean up the kitchen for your roommate. Giving to others has proven to increase happiness.

Coping with Loneliness on Valentine’s Day: Conclusion

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be a sorrowful day for the single or lonely. It can be a reminder to take action on hopes and dreams you have for yourself. It can be a reminder to take the time to give to yourself. And it can be a reminder that giving to others feels good. If you choose to stay home and feel sad, that’s okay, just be there for yourself, with kindness and encouragement.